


Journeys End in Lovers' Meeting

by Esin_of_Sardis



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, But mostly fluff, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01, biromantic!Yuuri, just for plot, with a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-09-17 15:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16977249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esin_of_Sardis/pseuds/Esin_of_Sardis
Summary: After the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri and Victor end up moving back to Hasetsu. And then Victor proposes! For real this time, but only because his visa is expiring. Yuuri might be in love, but he certainly doesn't know it yet.Another Fake-Marriage!AU because there simply aren't enough in the universe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we get started, welcome to my first anime fanfic! I hope you enjoy the story.
> 
> I recommend listening to “Yuri on Ice” (the song) for this chapter. It’s what I wrote it to.
> 
> Thank you to Wrightsworth for the beta!

_Hi! It_ _’s me, Yuuri Katsuki. You may know me as the silver medalist of the last Figure Skating Grand Prix. For a while after the Grand Prix final, it looked like I would be moving to St. Petersburg with my coach, Victor Nikiforov, but that’s not going to happen anymore. Instead, we’re both returning to Japan and my hometown, Hasetsu._

_The reasons are complicated, but the last straw was when Victor began to receive hate mail about his sexuality. He_ _’s always been somewhat open about being gay—it’s hard for Victor to be closed-off about anything. And it’s never been popular to be gay in Russia. But when some extremist group was sending mail to his home—not his practice rink, where most of his mail went—he stopped feeling safe at home._

_Anyway, we_ _’re back in Hasetsu for the foreseeable future. Which, I suppose is better for me. I’d really been freaking out about being in a new country with new people. Victor assured me that he’d always be there, and I knew Yakov and Yurio, but I’m comfortable in Hasetsu. I know the roads and the people. Being in Russia permanently was only adding to my already high performance anxiety._

_We have a few months before the World Figure Skating Championships in China, then it_ _’s the off-season. Until then, Victor is coaching me. Then he will become my competitor. While I’m relieved Victor isn’t throwing away his personal career to coach me, I’m also nervous about skating against him._

_But that_ _’s not the story I’m trying to tell. This story starts a few weeks after returning to Hasetsu, during practice with Victor._

* * *

 

Yuuri hit the ice with a dull thud after another failed quad flip. He got up immediately and began to work up the speed to try again, glad this was only practice.

“Yuuri!” Victor shouted. “Let’s call it a day!”

Letting his speed go, he circled back around toward Victor. His exhaustion hit him then, the good sort that came from a hard practice. Victor was right, he was too tired to keep trying that jump. And failing would only discourage him more.

“You did good today,” Victor said, wrapping an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders as they headed out of the building. “We should go get some food.”

“I’m sure Mom has something prepared…” Yuri said, turning to head towards home, but Victor grabbed his arm and pulled him in the other direction.

“I meant something just the two of us.”

“Oh. Okay.” Yuuri stumbled along after Victor, finally freeing his arm. He rolled his shoulder to readjust his jacket. Victor led the way to Hasetsu’s downtown. There wasn’t much there, but there were some good places to eat, at least. Victor stopped outside a small restaurant across from Kachu Snack Bar.

“This one is good, yes?”

Yuuri nodded. He’d probably been there before but he didn’t remember. He followed Victor inside, still unsure what was happening. It was rare for Victor to turn down a chance for his mom’s cooking. It was rare for them to eat anywhere but Yu-topia Katsuki. The doors closed behind them and Yuuri’s eyes widened. The restaurant was much nicer than it looked like on the outside.

“Victor—”

He looked back and smiled widely. “Just relax and enjoy, Yuuri.”

The food was excellent, but Yuuri barely registered it around trying not to look like a fool in the fancy environment. He made conversation with Victor about the World Championship coming up and how they would concentrate their practice. _It_ _’s just a normal meal. Talking about skating. Victor’s just in the mood to splurge._

After the meal, instead of going home like Yuuri had expected, Victor suggested they walk a little. They ended up on the sidewalk overlooking the sea. The moon was bright and reflected off the waves in ripples.

“I’m having a bit of trouble with my visa,” Victor was saying. “I originally entered Japan as a visitor, you see, but now I have to figure out a way to stay for longer if I’m going to continue being your coach.”

“I’m sure we’ll be able to figure something out.”

Victor stopped and turned to look out over the sea. His hair glinted the same color as the moonlight.

“I already have,” he said. Yuuri’s gaze jumped to Victor’s face, surprised.

“I’ve been thinking a lot since the Grand Prix Final,” Victor said.

“What about?”

“The future.”

A boat passed along the horizon. They watched it pass together in silence, leaning against the rail. Yuuri kept glancing back at Victor. Something was different tonight, but he couldn’t pinpoint what. It made him nervous.

“May I see your ring, Yuuri?”

“What—sure.” Yuuri pulled off his glove and slid the gold ring off his finger. Victor took it carefully and held it up, studying how the light hit the gold.

Then in one fluid motion, he dropped to one knee and held up the ring.

“Yuuri Katsuki, will you marry me?”

Yuuri’s mouth dropped open a little. He waited a second, for Victor to laugh and stand up. For it to be a joke. But Victor didn’t move. He simply stared up at Yuuri with his green-blue eyes, completely sincere.

“You’re serious.”

“Completely.” Victor’s gaze didn’t falter. The moon shone silver in his eyes, creating layers upon layers in which Yuuri only saw hope. He shouldn’t be keeping Victor waiting. He wouldn’t want to be kept waiting. But this was… completely unexpected.

“Why?” he asked.

“My visa will expire, but if we’re married, I can stay here in Hasetsu. With you.”

Yuuri froze as his mind whirled around the information, not really comprehending. He only knew that Victor was asking to _marry_ him. That was his whole life. Just to stay with him in Japan. It wasn’t romantic, but Yuuri had never really spent much time thinking about romance. There had been _Eros_ , but that was the most Yuuri had ever thought about love. Could he do it? Could he marry Victor? He thought so, maybe. Nerves curled in his stomach.

“Well?” Victor said.

Yuuri nodded, forcing himself to answer despite his nerves. “I—I will.”

Victor stood, and took Yuuri’s hand and slid the gold ring onto his finger, just like he had in Barcelona a month before. Bizarrely, Yuuri thought about kissing Victor for a moment—that was what people did when they got engaged, right? But he dismissed the thought. Instead, when Victor pulled him into a hug, he wrapped his arms around the taller man. He was engaged. Just like that. For real this time.

Victor had always been able to surprise him, hadn’t he?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the way Japanese law works, same-sex partners aren’t allowed to be legally married, which means Victor wouldn’t be able to get a visa as the Spouse of a Japanese National. Because this messes with how fluffy this fanfic is, imagine with me that we’re a few years in the future and Japan has legalized gay marriage. Sound good? This is an AU after all…
> 
> Thanks to Wrightsworth and alchemistdoctor for beta reading.

Victor Nikiforov couldn't make the walk back from the seaside as romantic as the rest of the evening had been, even though he wanted to. There were details to be talked about. If he was going to convince Yuuri that this was the only way to secure his visa, he had to sell the practicality of the engagement.

_But he was_ _ **engaged**_ _. To Yuuri Katsuki._ He could have kissed him but had forced himself to settle for a hug instead. After all, Yuuri didn't know that truly, Victor was in love.

"We'll tell everyone we're in love, of course," he said, resisting the urge to hold Yuuri's hand. "In order for the new visa to be approved we'll have to prove that we're 'genuinely intimate'."

"Prove?" Yuuri echoed nervously. He'd been nervous the whole evening. Victor had tried to calm him down, but it seemed he hadn't been as subtle as he'd wanted to be about having something special planned. Nevertheless, he'd certainly been surprised by the proposal. Even with Yuuri, Victor wanted the element of surprise. And Yuuri made the _most_ adorable face when he was surprised.

"Just with letters or emails, that sort of thing. I'm sure we can come up with something. Don't worry about it."

Yuuri definitely looked worried. "Are you sure that will be enough? What if they see through it?"

"We already said we'd be married after the Grand Prix Final—who wouldn't believe that we're announcing our engagement?"

"That's true." Yuuri's brow furrowed and he got that thinking face he sometimes had when he was skating badly. As a coach, Victor disliked that face, but as a fiancé—a _fianc_ _é_ —he loved it. He loved all Yuuri's expressions, committed them to memory one by one.

"Are you sure about this?" Yuuri blurted out. "I mean this is marriage we're talking about. That's a lifetime commitment! Are you sure you want that just to remain on as my coach? What if you find someone else? What about Christophe?"

"Christophe?" Victor said, completely taken aback by that inclusion.

" _That_ _'s_ what you got out of that?"

"There nothing between Christophe and me, I promise. We're just friends and fellow skaters!" More seriously, he added, "I'm sure about this, Yuuri. I promised I'd stay on as your coach until you retire. If it means marrying you to do so, I will." _And I won_ _'t find someone else_ , he added mentally. _I_ _'ve already found you._

"But what about after I retire?" Yuuri persisted.

"I'm sure we'll find a way to make things work. Don't worry so much." Victor only hoped that by the time Yuuri was ready to retire he'd succeeded in wooing him. Of course, that was the point of this whole plan: winning Yuuri Katsuki's love. Victor refused to consider what would happen if this didn't work. It would. Yuuri would be his husband, and not just in name.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!"

Yuuri was pretty sure Minako's yell could be heard by every guest in the onsen. He winced and shifted so he was half-hidden behind Victor.

"Yeah, since when are you even together?" Mari asked.

Victor began some explanation, but Yuuri's gaze was fixed on his parents. Hiroko and Toshiya were staring, speechless. It took another moment for Hiroko to collect herself and for a wide grin to spread over her face.

"My Yuuri is getting married!" She practically leapt at him, pushing Victor out of the way to throw her arms around his neck. Yuuri was almost knocked to the ground. With less abandon, Toshiya joined the hug, wrapping both his wife and son in his arms.

"We're so happy for you, son," he said. Some of the nerves that had been building all evening dissipated with his parents' approval. As long as they supported him, Yuuri could do anything—even marry Victor Nikiforov.

_Marry Victor Nikiforov_ _—what was his life coming to?_ He'd spent years idolizing the man. Never had he imagined that Victor would speak to him, and now they were getting married. It felt surreal.

"This is a cause for celebration!" Toshiya announced, breaking the hug and hurrying off toward the kitchen.

"I'll get sake!" Minako gave Yuuri a quick hug, then surprised Victor with one as well, before running off after Toshiya. Hiroko and Mari followed them, leaving Victor and Yuuri in the main room of the onsen, surrounded by staring guests. Victor lifted Yuuri's hand to his lips and kissed the ring he had put there. Yuuri blushed. _At least Victor is collected enough to pretend to be in love._ What if he said the wrong thing? Surely Mari wouldn't give up on her questions. And then he'd have to tell Yuuko and Takeshi. And then the world! Could he really keep up such a ruse? He had enough trouble when he was being honest with everyone.

"Ey, ey," Victor said, cupping Yuuri's face in his hand. "Don't worry. We've got this."

But the touch only increased his anxiety. They would have to touch, now that they were engaged. Be affectionate. Yuuri had never been good at affection. He was always awkward about it. How would he fake that? Flashes of their engagement filled Yuuri's head. The hugs, the touches—at their wedding they'd have to _kiss_. And then after the wedding…. He felt like he might faint from the panic rising. He couldn't fake this. He couldn't fake this. He couldn't—

It's not that he was opposed to kissing Victor. The man wasn't unattractive, but Yuuri had never kissed anyone before. He wasn't the sort to think much about dating or first kisses, but neither had he expected his marriage to be a sham. It was his whole—oh God it was his whole life. What would Victor expect of him?

His panic abated when the rest of his family rejoined them, if only because of the distraction of pork cutlet bowls all around. He focused on the pork and egg until he couldn't feel anything else. Meanwhile, Victor chatted with Yuri's family, keeping the conversation lively.

"So Yuuri," Mari drawled, lifting a bite to her mouth. "Since when are you gay?"

Everyone paused and stared at Yuuri. He felt his neck begin to heat up and his mouth get dry. He thought he might throw up.

"I mean, we've always known about Victor," Mari continued. "But you managed to keep this completely under wraps."

This was the first test. He had to come up with something. But he couldn't think. Under the table, Victor grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Yuuri met his eyes, panicky. Victor nodded and grinned, about to speak for him—no, Yuuri had to say this for himself. Victor couldn't keep this all up on his own.

"It—it's b-been a while," Yuuri said. "I've been thinking about it for a while, I mean. That I'm gay." The word 'gay' felt like a stone in his stomach. He'd never really thought about his sexuality before, but he knew this was a big thing to lie about. Yuuri took a deep breath. "But until I met Victor I didn't think it mattered."

That's it. Keep it simple.

"Of course it matters!" Hiroko exclaimed.

"You should have told us," Toshiya said. "We would have supported you—we do support you."

Yuuri nodded. He hated lying to his parents, but their support meant a lot. He hadn't even put it together what a fake marriage with Victor would say to the world about his sexuality. Even though his family turned out to be open-minded, Yuuri knew that many in Japan and the rest of the world wouldn't look as favorably. After all, Victor had felt the need to leave Russia because of his sexuality.

What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the way immigration law actually works for straight couples. I got my information here: https://www.tokyoimmigration.jp/?p=165
> 
> “Ey” is a transliteration of Russian “эй” meaning “hey”.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to alchemistdoctor for the beta!

As he always did when he was stressed out and couldn't talk about it, Yuuri found himself at Ice Castle Hasetsu, skating. He set his phone on shuffle over the speakers and let go. There suddenly seemed like there were so many things he couldn't talk about, but it was really only one: his marriage. He still didn't know how he felt about it. Telling his family and friends had been hard, especially with the question of his sexuality.

What Victor was asking was unheard of. While Yuuri hadn't ever thought much about his future wife and had never really dated anyone, he'd always thought of marriage as something special. Something for other people, perhaps, but his parents' marriage was a good one and their example had led him to believe that it was a good and loving thing, something sacred, even. Something that lasted. After all, if you were going to bother getting married and vowing to each other and all that, then it better be forever. What would his parents think if they knew the truth? What did Yuuri think?

He had no idea what Victor thought about the permanency of this situation. He knew Victor had a… colorful past when it came to love, but what would that look like once they were promised to each other? Yuuri couldn't dream of himself having an affair, but what would Victor do? Should they discuss it? Maybe he should just let Victor do what he wanted. After all, this was only so Victor could continue coaching him. It wasn't like Yuuri should expect any sort of faithfulness.

The music he was playing over the speakers came to an abrupt stop, knocking Yuuri out of his thoughts. He didn't know how long he'd been skating.

"Yuuri!" Yuuko called. "Come take a break!"

She handed him a water bottle when he reached the side of the rink. Yuuri downed most of it.

"What's going on?" Yuuko asked. "You've been skating for hours."

"Nothing."

"Yuuri. You only skate like that when something's on your mind."

Yuuri didn't know how to summarize his problems without giving the lie away. He ducked his head and took another sip of water.

"It's okay that you're gay, you know," Yuuko said. Yuuri's head jerked up. "We all support you."

"That's—" He stopped before saying it wasn't what's bothering him. It had been bothering him. Having his "sexuality" out on display felt raw, uncomfortable. And he wasn't even gay. It was just another layer of lying. "Thanks."

Yuuko took his hand and squeezed it gently. "We love you, Yuuri."

* * *

_Yuuri Katsuki here. In the week since Victor proposed, things have been pretty crazy here. Because of Victor_ _'s visa, we want to have the wedding as soon as possible, so Mom's already overrun with preparations. We're not planning anything extravagant, but with wedding plans it seems there's no avoiding a flurry of activity._

_Victor is really into it. He_ _'s a force of nature, running errands, helping Mom with everything her broken English can express, and somehow still finding time to skate with me. If Victor is normally exuberant, the idea of a wedding has only amplified that. I guess the guy really likes celebrations._

_Mom and Dad are freaking out a little by how sudden and fast things are moving. They_ _'re trying not to let me see that. They're supportive of everything—everyone has made that clear. It's nice to know they all care so much. If I was really gay, it would be amazing. But seeing as I'm lying about that too, I just want to run from the room and hide every time it comes up._

_Hiding has become my default over the past few days. I'm spending a lot of time in my room, or at Ice Castle Hasetsu after hours. Everywhere else there are constant reminders of the wedding and the lies. I'm a generally honest person. I hate deceiving my family like this. Victor, however, seems to have no problem with it. He just puts on his media-smile and wins everyone over. Part of me wishes I could have that kind of confidence. Instead, I'm doing what I always do: avoiding the situation, like the coward I am._

_I keep thinking back to Victor'_ s _proposal. I've never felt so… so wanted by anyone besides my family before. I know it's not a romantic type of want, like most people long for, but even Victor wanting to stay and be my coach makes me feel like there's a warm cloud around my heart. In this past week, I've felt more wanted than I ever have before. It's a good thing, I think. I mean, it makes me anxious—what if they change their minds?—but as Mari says, everything makes me anxious. Especially marrying Victor Nikiforov._

_He still doesn_ _'t really know the extent to which I idolized him my whole life. For years, I dreamed of meeting him as a competitor. It feels surreal that he's become so much more than that._

_At first, I asked myself why I was doing this. Why would I agree to promise my life to Victor just so he could remain my coach? Truth is, it_ _'s cause Victor is willing to promise his life to me. I know it sounds awful to say it feels like the only chance I'll get, but it's hard to believe anyone would want me. I know my family loves me, but I've never thought much of romantic relationships because I never thought I'd have one. But when Victor proposed—I don't know what it was, but I felt wanted like I've never felt wanted. I mean, it's crazy. It's all fake. I'm just imagining it, but I'm holding on to that imagining because it's all I've got._

* * *

Victor wasn't unfamiliar with looking for apartments. He'd found one in both Moscow and St. Petersburg to support his skating career, but he would never imagined he'd be looking for one in Hasetsu, Japan. All it had taken was for Yuuri to mention that he'd rather not live in the onsen after the wedding for Victor to whisk him away. Yuuri was right, after all. It would be hard to keep up their ruse if they were living with other people. Victor hadn't thought of that.

To be honest, Victor hadn't thought much. Once the letter had come about his visa, he'd come up with this idea and enacted it. Now there was no going back and wondering if it was the best idea. That would mean admitting that he hadn't quite told Yuuri the truth. Was this the _only_ way for him to stay in the country? Not precisely, no. It was certainly the best way to bring him closer to Yuuri. What more was there to think about?

The apartment the realtor was showing to them now was smaller than Victor's place back in Russia, but Yuuri seemed more relaxed in it than in the others. It was on the second floor of a small complex surrounding a courtyard garden, only a few-minutes walk from Yu-topia Katsuki. There were sliding doors out to a balcony over the courtyard and half the wall separating the kitchen and living room was cut away, opening up the space. There was even a small second bedroom, something the other places they'd seen hadn't had. It felt like it had been built in the late 90s—not too bad, Victor thought. Not so modern it felt cold, but it wasn't falling apart either. And if it made Yuuri happy…

"We'll take it," Victor said, looking to Yuuri, who nodded. After the paperwork was done and the apartment was theirs, they hung back, taking it in.

"What do you think?" Victor asked. Yuuri nodded, looking preoccupied and nervous. "You've been avoiding me," Victor observed. It was true. He had barely seen Yuuri outside of family meals in days.

"What? No!" Yuuri met his eyes for the first time that morning. "I just… I'm still… I don't like lying to everyone. About marrying you and being gay… I've never lied to my parents like this before. What if they find out?"

Victor, who had spent his childhood deceiving his parents, wasn't sure how to respond. Or how to empathize. It wasn't a lie for him. He was so gay and so in love.

"Forget it," Yuuri said. "It's stupid."

"No! It's not. Not at all." Victor grinned. He knew there was a risk with lying to everyone, but the risk was worth it. Yuuri just didn't know it yet. "You've done a great job so far. Your family has no reason to suspect."

"Are you sure?"

"I mean, I did kiss you at the Cup of China. And we've been wearing these rings since Barcelona." Victor couldn't help but remember the brief feeling of Yuuri's lips on his, his body under his own. His grin widened. "We're getting married, Yuuri. I want this to be happy for you."

"Really?" Yuuri said, blushing.

"You deserve a happy wedding day, fake or not." _Definitely not fake. Shut up, Nikiforov._ "No one will suspect a thing. I can promise you that." He winked and Yuuri blushed harder.

"W-we should be getting back," Yuuri stammered.

"Sure."

The walk back to the onsen was silent, but Victor couldn't help but enjoy it. He was walking with his fiancé and they had an apartment. His steps were almost as bouncy as Makkachin. He had full confidence this plan would work: one day, Yuuri would fall for him. He had nearly no doubt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Wrightsworth and alchemistdoctor for the beta!

"So when exactly were you planning to tell me that you're getting married? To _Victor Nikiforov_?" Phichit let the question drop casually in the middle of their Skype call. Yuuri felt himself turn beet red. "I mean he's only your childhood hero and I'm your _rinkmate_ and why didn't you call me immediately?"

"I'm sorry. I've had other things on my mind."

"I'm sure you have." Phichit wiggled his eyebrows.

"Not like that! I'm just busy with wedding planning! That's all!" And keeping this under control. Victor infuriatingly seemed to have no problem flirting in public and acting exactly like a fiancé was supposed to and he was already openly gay, so he didn't have to deal with everyone staring at him for it. This whole idea was a disaster.

"I'm not mad," Phichit said. "Well, maybe a little mad. I had to find out on Instagram. _Instagram_ , Yuuri."

"I'm sorry." He would have told Phichit but it was hard enough just to deal with his family. "Wait—Instagram?" He dived towards the nightstand where his phone sat. Ignoring the flood of notifications on his home screen, he opened Instagram.

_v-nikiforov has posted a photo_

Sure enough, there was the picture his mom had taken of the two of them showing off their rings. Yuuri's insides crumbled. No. No, no, no, no. There was no caption, but the comments were going wild. It seemed the entire world was interested in their relationship status and had an opinion on what it should be.

"Yuuri? You going to be okay?" Phichit asked. Yuuri's face must have shown his panicked dismay.

"Yeah, once I kill my fiancé."

"It was going to be public eventually," Phichit said, then narrowed his eyes. "I wouldn't search the gossip rags if I were you."

Yuuri nodded, still scrolling through the comments. There were an alarming number of fans outraged that Victor—or Yuuri—was no longer single. Yuuri had no idea so many people would be angry about this.

"So." Phichit drew the word out. "Never mind getting married, when were you going to tell me you're gay?"

"What?" Yuuri said, momentarily forgetting the lie.

"You're marrying a man. Since when is that a thing?"

"Oh." Yuuri swallowed. "It's been a while…. Since… college…"

"You mean you knew in Detroit and you didn't tell me?"

"No! I mean, yes! I'm sorry, Phichit. I didn't tell anyone." Yuuri was starting to feel queasy again. _Keep it simple_ , he reminded himself. The key to lying. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Phichit said. "How'd you figure it out?"

"Oh, you know me. I never really wanted to date girls and so I started wondering if there was a reason." He started babbling before even thinking about what he'd say. "And then there was my obsession with Victor and I guess it just clicked, you know?"

"What about Yuuko? I thought you said you liked her when you were little."

"No—I mean yes—I mean I don't know. We were kids. I don't think it meant anything."

"Okay…. I wish you'd told me earlier," Phichit said. Yuuri nodded. "So I take it you and Victor have been a thing for a while—you could have told me about that too, you know."

"I know," Yuuri whined. "But we weren't telling anyone and—"

"It's okay, it's okay. So when did it start?"

"Barcelona," Yuuri said. He made a mental note to tell Victor about that.

"Damn, you guys started with rings?"

"Y-yes? I mean, yes. They were supposed to be good luck charms, but then…" Yuuri trailed off into a blush and Phichit laughed. Even the memory of standing under the church with Victor made Yuuri turn red from the intimacy of the memory. Intimacy? Was that why he was blushing? But that shouldn't matter to him because Victor was a man. Victor was a _man_ …

"You know what Phichit? I actually have to go," he said quickly. His mind was racing as he said goodbye and shut his laptop. He refused to entertain the thoughts that pressed against his consciousness. He needed to escape, to breathe.

He grabbed his skating bag and raced out of the onsen without a word to anyone. He ran all the way to the Ice Castle without stopping until he got there. Breathing hard, he bent down, hands on his knees. He didn't know what was going on, but he had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't been entirely deceiving Phichit. And that terrified him.

The rink was thankfully empty. The motion of putting on his skates was calming to his racing heart. Once out on the ice, it was as if all his fears froze, crystallized into thoughts he could examine. That was the beauty of skating for him. When he wasn't performing, it made the world make sense.

What was it about that moment in Barcelona that made him feel warm inside, blush, and want to curl up in a ball? He couldn't be gay—could he? Phichit was right, he'd always liked Yuuko when they were kids. But he'd felt the same way about Victor—all warm and fuzzy inside. And it wasn't as if he'd never had a crush in college, now that he thought about it in terms of warm, fuzzy feelings, and wanting to be with someone. There'd been several people… not just women, but men too. He'd just never thought of it like that before.

Without realizing it, he'd begun to skate _Eros_. It clicked as he finished the first jump and the clean clack of his skates on the ice signaled the landing. Maybe that's why he'd had so much trouble with _Eros_. Because he'd never put it together that his feelings for men and women were the same. He'd been trying to think up something unique about his feelings for women but hadn't come up with anything.

But… bisexual didn't feel right. The reason he'd never considered those crushes on women real crushes is because… there was something missing. Something in the way Phichit or Yuuko talked about love that he knew he hadn't felt. Something in the way Victor talked about _Eros_ that didn't make sense to him. It made sense intellectually. He could understand the idea, but he couldn't feel it.

Abandoning the routine, he skated to the edge of the rink where his phone was. He pulled up Google and paused, trying to figure out how to word his problem in search terms. " _I don_ _'t understand love_ " turned up nothing helpful and " _I don_ _'t understand sexual love_ " was worse—including an article about how sex is a physical need. Searching "gay" or "bisexual" just led him to more people describing _Eros_ the way Victor did. And all the articles focused on sex, sex, sex— " _attraction not sex_ " he Googled in frustration.

"Asexuality—Wikipedia" read the first result. " _ **Asexuality**_ _is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered the lack of sexual orientation, or one of the variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality_ _…"_

More frantic searching led to a huge number of articles, definitions, and arguments. Yuuri didn't know how long he stood there, but he eventually began to put together a picture of this new word—this new identity. And when he found the word "biromantic" on a forum board, something clicked inside him. Attracted to two or more genders but does not experience sexual attraction.

He wasn't straight. Somehow that felt right. So he hadn't lied to Phichit—well, he had, but not like he thought he had.

But wait, if he wasn't straight—did that mean he was attracted to Victor? Maybe? He still wasn't sure what this whole attraction thing meant.

What if he was making this whole thing up? He was doubting everything. Leaving his phone, he headed back out into the center of the rink. _Eros_ again, from the top. This time he thought of Yuuko, of Victor, of being fascinated with the human body, but never interested in sex. He'd been skating to _Eros_ without knowing that he did know what love was—it was warm and romantic, it was the feel of a gold ring on his finger, it was the soft words that made him blush. Somehow the knowledge that he'd never experienced sexual love made him more confident to imagine the feeling behind _Eros_. He was no longer trying to draw from his experience, instead launching into a world of speculation. The story didn't change, but his relationship to it did. And it all came down to one word:

Fascination.

The fascination of the way the body moved. The fascination of the way people seemed irresistibly drawn to one another. The fascination of how people came together—not wanting it for himself, but finding himself compelled to capture that elusive fire in his own movements on the ice. _Eros_ was just out of reach, not something he wanted to possess, but something he found alluring all the same. It was like he was skating around this idea he saw from the outside, rather than toward what he was inside of. And _Eros_ finally crystallized around him.

The music in his mind came to an end and he stood, panting, in the center of the rink.

"Yuuri!" Victor called from the side of the rink. "That was amazing! I've never seen better!"

Yuuri felt a blush spread down his neck and across his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. Thanks to alchemistdoctor for the beta!

_I'm Yuuri Katsuki and I'm biromantic. And I just told everyone I know that I'm gay. Not that I'm ready to come out to everyone again. I barely know what biromantic means. I've been spending a lot of time holed up with my computer these past few days, trying to research around all the unhelpful commentary. I've stumbled into such a small world that feels so right—but if even being gay is hard, how will I be able to explain biromantic to anyone? If I wasn't ace—is that the term?—I'd have trouble understanding it. Romantic attraction is even more difficult to explain._

_Why does sex have to be so central to everyone? I mean, I can see the draw, I think. It must feel good. And the intimacy of being bared body and soul with someone_ _—that would be so incredibly special. But the whole world_ _'s thinking about sex, and I'm not._

_The internet has assured me that I_ _'m not broken—my first worry. Reading these articles and forums has actually been good for me. I feel more sure about this than anything._

_Everything_ _'s been moving really fast. Victor proposed barely a month ago and we're getting married in two days. Phichit has flown in, of course. He wouldn't miss this for the world. Christophe gets in tomorrow, as Victor's best man. Phichit's mine. I'm nervous about everything surrounding the wedding. The performance of it, especially. I'll have to kiss Victor—_ kiss Victor _—in front of everyone I know. I don_ _'t really want that to be my first kiss, but I don't see a way around it. Unless I ask Phichit to kiss me first or something—but would that be cheating? I think that would be cheating. But it's more than that: what if I trip? What if I say the wrong thing?_

_I_ _'m decidedly not thinking about the honeymoon. That's even more able to make my whole body shaky and nauseous—can your limbs even feel nauseous? I think mine can._

_Mom_ _'s excited at least. She's so happy that I'm happy and getting married. I wouldn't be surprised if Mari suspects. She's too shrewd to hide things from, but she hasn't said anything. I caught her whispering with Minako the other day. It's probably not about me, but it might be. I can't get it out of my head._

_Between preparations, Victor, and Phichit, I barely have time to hide in my room. I think it_ _'s a conspiracy to make sure I don't. And if I manage to get a moment alone, Makkachin ends up outside my door and scratches until I let her in. Not that there's much left in my room. It's mostly moved into the apartment by now._

_This is all coming together so fast. I don_ _'t know if my nerves can take it._

* * *

The wedding was simple. Just family and friends at a small shrine on the outskirts of Hasetsu. Later, Yuuri remembered it as an anxious blur. His hands trembled in Victor's and he nearly spilled the sake on the floor. Strangely, though he was in a foreign culture, Victor was a calm and calming presence beside Yuuri. Having no strong religious beliefs of his own, Victor had agreed to let Hiroko make the decisions about the ceremony. Yuuri had been too busy hiding from the whole thing to voice an opinion.

Yuuri's nerves came to a head when Victor leaned in to kiss him at the end of the ceremony. The touch of Victor's lips was in reality brief and chaste, but seemed to take ages. What should Yuuri do with his hands? Kissing didn't seem instinctive—was he kissing Victor back? Was he just standing there? He couldn't tell. _What should he do with his hands?_

By the time they reached the reception, a lot of the weight had lifted off him. It helped that Victor held his hand in the car on the way back to the onsen, rubbing his thumb rhythmically on the back of Yuuri's hand. The rhythm reminded Yuuri to breathe, that the hard part was over and they were married.

Oh shit, they were _married_. Suddenly Yuuri didn't want the reception to ever end. He didn't want to be left alone with Victor. All his fears about expectations came rushing back, in full force now that the ceremony didn't separate him from it. Sure, it wasn't a real marriage. They didn't love each other. But this was also for life. He was pretty sure sexual people needed—well, maybe Victor would just find other people. But what if he expected? In exchange for doing all this for Yuuri. It made sense.

Yuuri felt like he was drowning in his own head. He was so worried he almost missed the reception entirely. He just hoped Victor was putting on a good enough show for both of them.

* * *

Victor was _married_. And he was ecstatic. Unlike the ceremony, which had been just Yuuri's family, the reception was a party. All Yuuri's friends had shown, as well as his family's friends, and a few of their fellow skaters. Mari and Yuuko had decorated the onsen with streamers in red and white.

"You look happy, my friend," Christophe said, coming up and throwing his arm around Victor's shoulders.

"I am," Victor said. He hadn't been able to keep a grin off his face the entire day. Not even Yuuri's obvious anxiety about something was enough to damper him. "I think I finally am."

"You moved fast."

"It couldn't come soon enough. I feel as though I've been waiting my entire life for Yuuri."

"Speaking of Yuuri," Chris said wryly, "he's over at the champagne. Again."

"Shit. Excuse me. I have to rescue my husband." _Husband._ It made him shivery all over.

Victor made his way through the crowd to the table where Hiroko had left the drinks. Mari was supposed to be keeping an eye on them, but it seems she'd abandoned her post. He came up beside Yuuri and plucked the glass out of his hand.

"How many have you had?"

"Just two," Yurri said. Victor stared him down. "This is my third." His color was already high, so it was hard to tell whether he was embarrassed to be caught or not. Victor set the glass down on the table with the empty ones and took Yuuri's arm.

"You wouldn't want to forget our wedding, now would you?" he asked in a low tone.

Yuuri shook his head, looking like he'd like to vanish.

"And you certainly wouldn't want to end up naked on top of that table," Victor continued.

Yuuri definitely blushed this time. "N-n-no."

"You're right, we'll save that for just the two of us," Victor said with a wink. "Come on, let's join the party. It's for us, after all."

Taking Yuuri's hand, he led him out to the center of the room where others were dancing and spun him into his arms, to the applause of their friends and family.

 


	6. Chapter 6

The reception eventually came to an end. Yuuri and Victor were ushered into a car driven by Minako to take them back to their apartment. The queasy feeling in Yuuri's stomach grew with every passing minute, coming up to close his throat. It didn't help that Victor kept glancing over and smiling at him. Minako left them at the entrance to the building with hugs and a wink.

Victor offered Yuuri his hand, which Yuuri took, feeling like he was holding on for dear life. It was only when Victor dropped the keys outside their door that Yuuri realized Victor's hands were shaking too. He wasn't sure what to make of that. He'd never seen Victor so obviously nervous.

The apartment was decorated with white streamers and balloons. Every room was decorated. Even the bathroom had a "Just Married" sign over the mirror. Yuuri followed Victor through the apartment automatically, only pausing in the door to their—Victor's—bedroom. Their "guest" bed wasn't set up yet in the other room. Of course, friends and family wouldn't have known it was important. There were roses in a vase on the dresser. Their bright red against the plain room caught Yuuri's gaze and he focused on them as he stepped into the room after Victor.

"I suppose—" Yuuri started, his throat protesting the words.

"Yeah. Of course," Victor said quickly from over by the dresser. He looked at the card next to the roses then set it down.

"Okay." Yuuri's voice was even more strangled. As he struggled to unbutton the first button on his shirt, he was vaguely aware of hot tears dripping down his face and falling from his chin to the carpet. He looked down at the button and it finally slipped free. He got the next one easier.

The next moment Victor was there, catching his hands.

"Yuuri, Yuuri, what's wrong?"

Yuuri pulled his hands free and tried for the next button, but a hiccuping sob made it difficult to keep going. He was scared, he was so scared. He felt like he was going to explode. Or hurl. It was a toss-up.

"Yuuri, talk to me," Victor said, ducking his head to try to meet Yuuri's eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I—You wanted—Just—I—I—" His sobbing made it impossible to get a word out. Victor took his hands again.

"Yes?"

"I—" He looked over Victor's shoulder to the bed. Victor followed his gaze and the realization snapped in place. Victor dropped his hands like a hot skillet and stepped back.

"You thought I wanted to—to have sex with you?" Victor choked out.

Yuuri nodded, hiccuping.

"Yuuri, we will _never_ have sex if you don't want to." Victor's tone was forceful, but the force was appreciated. "Of course I don't expect that of you."

"Okay," Yuuri said shakily, looking at the floor. "You have—I mean, I suppose there are o-others for that."

"What?"

Yuuri met Victor's eyes, which were wide with confusion. "I mean, just because we're married doesn't mean you won't—I wouldn't mind."

"No!" Victor said, a little too emphatically. "I mean, no. Look, I married you, Yuuri. I meant that. There won't be any other lovers."

"But you said—"

"I don't need sex to survive. If you won't want to, then we won't. That's it."

"Oh."

Victor smiled at him. "I suppose we should get ready for bed. It's late."

"I'll take the couch," Yuuri offered quickly, moving to get his pajamas out of the dresser.

"The bed's big enough for two. The couch is kind of small. I promise nothing will happen."

Yuuri nodded slowly. "Okay."

The turned their backs to each other to change. Yuuri took deep breaths as he finished unbuttoning his shirt and pulled on a soft blue t-shirt. He was okay. This was Victor, his friend, his coach. He just needed to find that easy friendship they'd had before.

They ended up sitting side by side in the queen bed, pillows behind their backs, talking quietly. Yuuri's anxiety had faded since Victor's promise that nothing would happen between them. And for some reason it made him feel better to know that Victor wouldn't cheat on their fake marriage. It didn't make sense. But talking helped Yuuri a lot. What with Yuuri avoiding everything wedding-related for the past few weeks and Victor picking up the slack in preparations, it had been a while since they'd really spoken.

As they talked, an idea occurred to Yuuri. His stomach twinged at the thought, but he pushed forward.

"Victor?"

"Yeah?"

"There's… something you don't know about me. I mean, I only just realized, so of course you don't know. Nobody knows—"

"Yuuri," Victor cut him off calmly. "What is it?"

"I'm biromantic," he blurted. Saying it out loud for the first time was different than coming out as gay. It was anxiety-inducing, for sure, but there was also a sense of rightness that made him calmer than he might have been.

"Okay," Victor said slowly. "What does that mean?"

"It—it's like bisexual," Yuuri said. "But, like, I don't experience sexual attraction."

"Okay," Victor repeated. "I still don't quite follow."

"It's like asexuality," Yuuri said. He was explaining this badly. "But I'm romantically attracted to both men and women. It's why I skated for katsudon—I don't experience eros. Well, not sexually at least. It's like I can fall in love, but it's not sexual? I don't know—am I making any sense?"

"I think so," Victor said.

"I mean, I… I just wanted you to know."

"Thank you." Victor laid is hand palm-up on the bed between them. Yuuri took it carefully. Victor squeezed his hand and smiled at him, that real, brilliant smile the cameras never saw. "Let's sleep, okay?"

Yuuri nodded. They lay down, a foot of space between them, and Yuuri felt lighter than he had in weeks.


End file.
